lately

It's about time for a new post. That last one was really bringin' me down, man. And just to clear the air, that post was really about me working out some very personal thoughts and feelings and getting a wake up call to not take my man for granted. It was so very VERY not intended as a judgment on anybody else's choices, so I hope it was not seen that way.

Whew. So now what? Let's see, Jonah is almost 5 months old and I have never written about him. Isn't that sad? I realized that some time in the last month or so was the beginning of me actually enjoying having two kids. It is just such a smack in the face, bringing home another baby when your first is so young. I thought I knew what I was doing because I'd been through it once before, but it is sooo different raising two at a time. I know it's not this way for everyone, and some people think it's just hunky dory, but I'm not gonna lie- it was really hard for me in the beginning. I felt like I was losing my mind the first two weeks from sleep deprivation. With your first baby, you can sleep when they do, but not so with number two. You have another one that needs your attention, and honestly I think I needed him as much as he needed me. One thing that was really hard for me about having another baby was feeling like I was betraying Miles by letting someone else into my heart. It's taken time and patience, but I finally feel like I can love them both completely without taking anything away from either of them. This is a good thing.

And just for the purpose of journaling, here are a few of the things that Jonah is up to lately: rolling over (only three times so far), laughing, being cute and chubby, growing (87% for height), playing with his toes, sleeping a little better at night, taking three naps a day, sucking on his fingers a LOT, working on taking a bottle, sitting in a highchair at the kitchen table while we eat (and loving it), growing a sweet mohawk, gurgling and cooing, and too many other adorable things to name.

As for Miles, he is cute as ever but becoming more challenging every day. I thought I might escape the tantrum throwing stage with him, but no such luck. They are occurring at least once a day, usually a few times, and they happen most often out of jealousy or just general grumpiness. It's funny because we called Jonah a curmudgeon for the first three months of his life, but there's been a role reversal and Miles is now our lovable grumpy old man. If he even sees Jonah out of the corner of his eye, he yells "NO" and throws anything within reach. Or if there are no inanimate objects lying around, he will just punch me. Good times. I do love him so much though, and he makes up for all of his tough moments by being a complete doll face every other moment of the day. The other night I was putting him in bed and after I left the room he came to his doorway and called out to me. I came back and he said "mmm....kiss?" so I gave him a kiss. Then it was "mmm...squeeze?" So I gave him a hug. Then "mmmm...'nother kiss?" I'm pretty sure he was trying to put off bedtime, but I didn't mind too much.

He is a very smart little boy with great verbal skills. I think that's why he hasn't been so bad with tantrums until just recently. He's always been able to express his feelings using words and gestures, so he hasn't had a reason to get too upset. But now he's dealing with very complex emotions that he can't put words to, like jealousy and separation anxiety and the like. He's been missing his daddy a lot lately since Matt's been working so much. On the bright side, Matt's extra work necessitates me cutting back my work hours, so I will be able to spend a lot more quality time with my babies. When both of us were working from home it wasn't too hard to take care of both of the kids between us, but trying to do two by myself while working is near impossible. So I'm looking forward to warmer weather and having more free time to do what we want.

At this point I am way too tired and incoherent to think of an appropriate conclusion, so The End.